Toad's Wild Ride
by Red Witch
Summary: The gang reluctanty helps Todd with his latest idea: mutant theme park rides!


**The disclaimer saying I don't own any X-Men Evolution Characters has gone back to Florida! Here's a fic inspired by my last trip to a certain Magic Kingdom! **

**Toad's Wild Ride**

"So why are we here **again?**" Scott sighed as he and a few other X-Men trudged up the walkway to the Brotherhood House.

"To help the Brotherhood," Jean said.

"Why?" Scott snapped.

"Because for some reason the Professor thinks that we can eventually get along with these bozos," Rogue snorted.

"Why?" Scott asked.

"Because the Professor believes that one of the major steps of humans and mutants getting along is if we can get along with other mutants instead of getting into huge battles that wreck the town," Kitty said.

"Why?"

"Because if we keep having fights with the Brotherhood there's not going to be a **town** left much less a case for mutant rights," Kurt quipped. "That's why the Professor arranged a cease fire with them after that last show we did on TV kind of backfired on us."

"Why?" Scott kept asking.

"Because the Professor's an idiot," Bobby finally said.

"Bobby!" Jean snapped. "The Professor is **not **an idiot!"

"He is if he thinks we're actually ever going to get along with the Brotherhood and they're going to just stop making our lives miserable," Bobby said.

"I have to agree with Bobby on this one," Scott shook his head.

"Look! I don't know why Lance called the mansion and the Professor sent us over here," Jean gave him a look. "But if we didn't need our uniforms it can't be that bad."

"This is the Brotherhood. It's **always** that bad," Rogue gave her a look.

"That is not true," Jean said.

"Excuse me Jean but I beg to differ. In fact everyone who actually **lived** with these morons for a time please raise your hand?" Rogue raised her hand. "Notice I am the only one here with her **hand up**. Not you Jean!"

"She's got you there, Jean," Bobby agreed.

"She's a witness," Scott said. "She knows."

"That's right," Rogue nodded. "And I know for a fact that even the simplest, most mundane chore always turns into a complete **screw up** when these boys do anything! Do you wanna hear about the time Mystique asked Toad to mop the kitchen floor? Do you wanna know what he used **instead** of water and soap? Go ahead. Take a **guess!"**

"I'm gonna say slime," Kurt volunteered.

"I'd say slime too," Bobby said.

"I'd go with that," Kitty agreed.

"Good answer, good answer," Scott nodded.

"Ding, ding, ding!" Rogue said sarcastically. "We have a winner! Slime it was!"

"Oh and I bet everyone fell down and hit a wall or something!" Bobby said.

"Wait, wait! I'll say Mystique fell on her butt!" Kitty said.

"I've got one…" Scott began.

"NO YOU DON'T!" Jean snapped. "Stop it right now!"

"But this is a fun game," Bobby said.

"Knock it off!" Jean snapped. "Now we're here to do a job so stop acting like a bunch of kids!"

"Jean, we **are** a bunch of kids," Bobby gave her a look.

"Just behave yourselves!" Jean rolled her eyes.

"You know Jean, it's things like this that have given you a reputation as a kill joy," Scott said.

"And that's **him **saying that," Kurt said.

"Just please all of you…Behave!" Jean snapped. She turned around and started walking to the front door.

"Rogue remind me again to play this game some other time when you-know-who isn't around," Kurt whispered to his adopted sister.

"I heard that!" Jean snapped as she rang the doorbell. "Now just behave yourselves and be ready for anything."

Lance answered the door. "Good you guys are here. Now maybe Toad will finally let us go on his stupid amusement ride."

"Come again?" Scott blinked.

"Toad got bored last week and for some reason built a roller coaster in the back yard," Lance explained. "He wouldn't even let Wanda near it. To be fair she didn't exactly try very hard to get near it but still…"

"Wait, are you saying that Toad…**Your **Toad built a roller coaster ride?" Kurt blinked.

"In your **backyard?"** Kitty finished.

"That's what I said," Lance nodded. "And he won't let any of us go on it unless we invited you guys. For some reason he wants both groups to test it out together. So we might as well humor him and get it over with."

Scott gave Jean a look. "I have to admit. I wasn't quite prepared for **this."**

"I don't think any of us was prepared for this," Kitty blinked.

"Come on, the sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can plan our own funerals," Lance showed them out back. "Or Toad's, depending on how things go."

"Excuse me, the fact that you are all willing to put your lives in Toad's hands…" Kurt began.

"What can I say? It was either this, or listen to one of Pyro's theories about pineapples and NASA for the next two hours," Lance said. "Trust me, after the first five minutes of one of Pyro's rants you'd be welcoming death."

"Just out of curiosity, did you tell the Professor **exactly** what was going on here?" Scott asked.

"Yeah, he said he'd send you over here right away," Lance said. "Why? Oh wait, he didn't tell you did he?"

"No he did **not,"** Scott grunted. "I gotta tell you my faith in the Professor is a little shaken by this."

"Like he probably hasn't done worse," Lance shrugged.

"The Professor would not do anything worse!" Jean said. Then she amended. "Although I gotta admit **this **is pretty bad."

"Yeah I can't think of anything worse than forcing us to spend an afternoon with the Brotherhood," Bobby quipped.

"He probably wanted us out of his hair so he could sneak a drink in his study again," Rogue said. "Especially after that last driving lesson he gave you Kitty."

"Hey, learning how to do hairpin turns at high speeds is a necessary skill in our business!" Kitty protested.

"Not to mention how to escape from a car when you drive it into the pool," Rogue quipped.

"I don't know why he was so mad! Thanks to Kurt he barely got wet! I'm the one that had her outfit ruined!" Kitty pouted. "My new sweater still smells of chlorine!"

"Whoa! What is that?" Bobby did a double take. It was a huge domed construct in the back yard.

"It looks like someone built an extra large Space Mountain, painted it green and dumped it in your backyard," Scott blinked. "Where did Toad get all…?"

"I don't know and I don't care," Lance sighed. "We find it's better for us if we don't ask questions like that. It makes it more believable when the police arrive."

"Okay they're here Toad," Wanda folded her arms. She and the other members of the Brotherhood were at the entrance. "Can you **finally **let us in?"

"Yeah let's get this over with!" Pietro shouted.

"I am telling you! The Pineapples from Outer Space are in league with the fashion industry!" Pyro said. "Why else would they make such high heels on shoes? So it would be easier for women to slip on the banana peels!"

"Toad **hurry up!"** Pietro shouted.

"Okay everyone! Welcome to my latest and greatest idea! You know how there are theme parks set up all over the world to promote wildlife conservation and promote cultural harmony and stuff?" Todd said.

"There are?" Pietro blinked.

"Don't spend a lot of time in Florida do you?" Fred gave Pietro a look.

"Anyway I thought, 'Why not build a theme park based on mutants'?" Todd said. "We could promote mutation as a good thing!"

"So you want to build like a Mutant Kingdom?" Rogue asked.

"Right," Todd nodded. "Only our mouse mascot is gonna have three ears and laser blasts coming out of his eyes."

"Pyro you wanna tell me about the Pineapples some more?" Scott gave Pyro a look.

"Later," Pyro waved. "This is interesting!"

"So I figured one of the best way to sell the park we're gonna build…" Todd began.

"We?" Jean interrupted him. "Why should we be involved in this?"

"Because you have the money!" Todd rolled his eyes. "Duh! Anyway one of the best ways to attract people to a park is to have kickin' rides that thrill and chill as well as educate! First we thrill 'em then we sneak in our agenda!"

"And you think that will actually **work?"** Scott asked skeptically.

"Worked for Epcot," Pyro said.

"Right," Todd nodded. "See I was thinking, in addition to the rides we can have smaller attractions with Mutants Around the World where we make little cute towns and cities in other countries and have mutants around the world come and promote mutation around the world. Or a mutant safari where we could have people take pictures of mutated animals roaming around a giant savanna or jungle! Or have parades and fireworks featuring mutants! And we can sell 'em stuff left and right! Make a killing on merchandising!"

"You have to admit there is a precedence for this," Pietro said.

"So this here is the first ride we're gonna build for our theme park!" Todd pointed to the sign up on the building. It read: TOAD MOUNTAIN

"And you expect us to go on **this?"** Kitty asked.

"Your Professor promised," Todd frowned. "In fact he said he wanted you Kitty to sit up in the front with me as we try it out!"

"In case you don't realize it Kitty, this is called **Payback**," Rogue said. "But why are the rest of us being punished for Kitty's screw up?"

"I dunno, you must have done something to tick him off," Lance shrugged. "Let's ride this baby."

"I gotta admit I do love a good roller coaster," Fred said. "The problem is they're usually designed so flimsily."

"Don't worry Freddy I got this one all fixed up so you can ride comfortably," Todd smiled. "And we can avoid the whole flying people, bent track, broken bones thing that happened the last time. Come on!"

"We are so doomed," Bobby groaned as they went into the enclosure. There was a very long, dark walkway they had to go through. On the walls were countless pictures of Todd in poses.

"Oh Lord, Toad has finally gotten himself ready for a room at the Bayville Home for the Permanently Bewildered," Kurt grumbled.

_**"Finally?"**_ Rogue gave him a look.

"I stand corrected," Kurt agreed.

"Geeze and people call **me **an egomaniac," Pietro grumbled as he saw all the pictures of Todd lit up.

"That's because you **are** an egomaniac," Lance said. "But to be fair I think it's safe to say Toad's in the runner up category."

"I think I felt safer when the Brotherhood was just attacking us outright," Scott groaned. "Seriously, we were all better off when we were fighting each other!"

"This is gonna be the mopping incident all over again I just **know **it," Rogue groaned. "Oh please let there not be any fires **this **time!"

"Fires?" Jean gave her a look. "Did you just say 'mopping' and 'fires' in the same sentence? Fires as in **plural**, meaning more than **one** fire?"

"Yup," Rogue let out a breath.

"How can you cause a fire just by…" Kurt began.

"Don't ask…." Rogue sighed.

"I'm liking this ride already!" Pyro said cheerfully.

"I'm **already **feeling nauseous," Wanda grumbled.

"Speaking of which how long is this stupid line to the cars anyway?" Kitty snapped as the gang kept wandering in and out of the long rows.

"How should I know? The crazy frog wouldn't let us near this place while he was building it," Lance told her.

"I think we're all crazy just for going along with this," Scott said. "I'm serious. I'm willing to bail out right now. Who's with me?"

"I'd second that motion," Rogue agreed.

"No one is bailing out!" Jean snapped.

"Yeah you guys gotta suffer like the rest of us," Pietro said.

"Why us? Kitty's the one that ruined the car and the pool!" Bobby protested.

"I did not ruin the pool! It needed to be cleaned anyway!" Kitty snapped.

"Here we are!" Todd showed them a line of roller coaster cars at the top. "Everybody take a seat and strap yourselves in! Freddy you take this extra large car in the back."

"Ooh! It's nice and roomy," Fred twittered as he got in.

"Okay, I understand the safety bar and even the harness…" Scott gulped as he strapped himself in the third car with Jean. "But are these helmets really necessary?"

"Let's just say I'm still working on the bugs in the system," Todd said as he strapped himself in the first car with Kitty and Kurt.

"Toad, don't you need to be like, **running **the ride instead of **riding** it?" Kitty gave him a look.

"Don't worry," Todd said as he put on his helmet. "I've got a remote."

"Toad there will be no one at the controls of this thing!" Lance said.

"A perfect metaphor for Toad's brain if there ever was one," Kurt quipped.

"Well then why are you in the front?" Todd asked.

"Are you kidding? This is the best place for a roller coaster ride," Kurt said. "Might as well get my money's worth."

"Nightcrawler this is **free** torture," Wanda snapped. "The only thing you're paying for is the hospital bill!"

"Okay everyone's strapped in?" Todd asked. "Are you ready?"

"No…" Scott moaned.

"Good!" Todd said cheerfully as he pushed a button. "Hold on tight this thing goes from zero to eighty five in only a few seeeeeeecoooooooooooonddddsss!"

"AAAHHHH!" Everyone screamed as they took off and found themselves almost immediately in a couple of loops.

"Oh god, I'm gonna die…" Pietro whimpered as they did a corkscrew followed by another loop. "I'm gonna die…I'm gonna die!"

"Toad if I die I am going to **kill** you!" Wanda screamed as they did several bank turns, followed by a series of high drops and swerves. "I AM GOING TO COME BACK FROM THE DEAD TO KILL YOU!"

"I think I'm **already** dead!" Lance yelled. "My pulse…I used to have a pulse! I'm dead! AAHHHH!"

"I don't feel so good…" Fred was turning green.

"If you throw up on me Blob, I….AAYYYEEEEEE!" Pietro screamed as they hit another loop and corkscrew combination.

"How many corkscrews and loops are **in **this thing?" Rogue gritted her teeth. "AAAAHHH! Are we **upside down?"**

"Are we going **backwards?**" Jean yelled.

"Yes to **both** questions!" Todd whooped. "Isn't it great?"

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT JEAN!" Rogue shouted.

"YOU JUST HAD TO MAKE US TRY THIS RIDE DIDN'T YOU?" Scott screamed.

"HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IT WAS GOING TO BE THIS BAD?" Jean whimpered.

"BECAUSE I **TOLD** YOU!" Rogue shouted. "JEAN AS SOON AS MY BRAIN STOPS SPINNING YOU ARE A DEAD WOMAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN!"

"AFTER WE GET THE PROFESSOR FOR MAKING US DO THIS!" Scott shouted. "AAAAAAHHH! NOW WHAT'S HAPPENING?"

"This is the big finale!" Todd shouted. "When the cars convert to…uh oh."

"UH OH? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY UH OH?" Bobby screamed like a girl.

"Don't worry! This should work!" Todd shouted.

"SHOULD WORK?" Scott yelled. "JEAN WHAT HAVE YOU GOTTEN US INTOOOOOOOO!"

The cars converted to a log fume by dropping the wheels and soon they found themselves hurtling down a water slide and a ninety degree angle. "I think I'm gonna get another sweater ruined…" Kitty gulped.

SPLASH!

"Hey whatdya know? It worked after all!" Todd said cheerfully despite the fact he was dripping wet. "And now the big finish!"

"Big finish?" Scott blinked.

Suddenly they were in a room filled with colorful lights, glowing props and little figures of gnomes and images of Todd all around. There were astronaut Todd's up in space with gnomes. There were scuba diving Todds, Todds and gnomes wearing all sorts of costumes from around the world. Singing animatronic giraffes. Singing and dancing frogs. A giant moon and sun in the sky both with Todd's face in them.

"It's like something out of my worst nightmare," Wanda cringed. Then she saw a Prince Todd figure marrying a Princess Wanda figure. "I stand corrected, this **is** my worst nightmare!"

"And of course, they have to **sing…**" Lance winced in agony.

_It's a happy place and we'll have such fun! _

_With Toad and garden gnomes for everyone!_

_We don't have a care cause Toad's everywhere!_

_It's a Toad World after all!_

"This is without a doubt the **scariest** ride I have ever been on," Scott blanched. "And this is coming from a guy who's had to give **both **Kitty and Bobby driving lessons!"

"And this is the **scariest** part," Pietro admitted.

"So whaddya think?" Todd asked as the ride came to a halt. He looked at the others, pale faced, drenched and in some cases hair was standing on end. "Anybody? Come on, Elf. Tell me what you think of it."

"That was…" Kurt gulped. "The most horrifying…gut wrenching…TOTALLY AWESOME RIDE I HAVE EVER BEEN ON!"

"YEAH!" Bobby whooped.

"YOU MANIACS **LIKED **IT?" Scott shouted.

"It had its moments," Lance blinked. "Okay I think I've gotten my pulse back. I could try that again."

"LET'S GO AGAIN!" Pyro shouted.

"OVER MY DEAD BODY!" Wanda yelled.

"So you liked it?" Todd was happy.

"Well the ending kind of sucks but the ride was fun," Kurt said.

"Yeah I was kind of having trouble with the lyrics to the song," Todd scratched his head. "Maybe I should take it in a whole new direction?"

"Good idea! How about to the nearest garbage dump!" Rogue snapped.

"No I mean a more heavy metal vibe or something," Todd kept thinking.

"Heavy metal? How about a crowbar to hit your thick head! Right Jean? Jean? Jean? I think she passed out," Scott tried to wake her.

"Yup she's out cold," Wanda said. Several Todd and Wanda figures dancing by made her stomach turn. "God how I envy her."

"She never could handle roller coasters very well," Scott said. "She must have passed out on that last drop."

"Good, we can put her on the ride again!" Rogue said. "Along with Kitty!"

"Fine with me! That was a cool ride!" Kitty smiled. "Okay I'm mad my sweater got wet but then again I needed a new one anyway and…"

"And the Professor's plan didn't work…" Scott groaned. "Bobby! You're right! The Professor **is **an idiot! And **I'm** an idiot for hanging around you nutcases!"


End file.
